2-1-2012

It's February.
February, I tell you.

How did this happen?
Today I got a message from someone. All it said was, "In four months you'll be home."

Four months.

Initially, I smiled. And the longer I thought about it, the more that smile turned into a nervous twitch.

And then...the immediate question came: What on earth am I doing with my life?

To which I genuinely have no answer. So, in an effort to help me stop freaking out, and a lame attempt to trick myself into thinking I may have some idea, I'm making a list of all the things I will not be doing with my life upon returning to the good Ole U.S. of A.

I will not:

be joining the military. Unless, of course, every other possible career path has been exhausted...and I include working at McDonald's as a career option.

be homeless, thanks to my parents.

be a rapper. I've thought about it.(see this post) But, word to your mother, my rhymes are just not flat out gangsta enough (see, even that horrendously constructed sentence took me five minutes to write...). And, besides that, I'm just not sure where I would fit with the whole East Coast/West Coast rivalry...I mean, I'm from Iowa.

be an Olympic athlete. Unless they enter a division for falling ungracefully up and down stairs. I could quite possibly bring home the gold in that one...

be posting any Youtube videos of myself singing in a lame attempt to kick-start my ill-planned musical career. But...if I did have a weak moment... it would involve the song "Dreams" by the Cranberries. Seriously, who does not love belting out the "ahhhh" part? :)

be a politician. Or volunteer for one. In fact, I get a general nauseous feeling when I think about the fact that I seriously considered politics as a profession ten years ago. Gag. What on earth was I thinking?

be a mechanic. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in any way belittling what they do. I'm just saying, no matter how desperate someone may be, they would never want ME touching the engine of their car. In all honestly, I don't even know how to pop the hood of the current car I am driving.

and on a more serious note...

I will not:

be worried about perceptions. Life is short. If my goal is to live for the glory of my King, then what on earth am I doing wasting my time thinking about what YOU think about me? Easier said than done, yes. But...it's a goal.

be the same person I was two years ago. And neither will you. Isn't the ability to change and grow one of the most gracious gifts God gives us, besides salvation? I think so...

be behind. It doesn't matter what everyone else my age has or is doing. I'm right on time, according to God. He knew I'd be clueless on February 1, 2012. He knows I'll be jobless on May 25, 2012. Is He worried? Absolutely not.

be worried. Will moments of doubt and fear come? Constantly. But, that's the point. It's what I DO with the doubt and fear. Do I worry? Or do I let it push me close to the heart of God? Do I stress out? Or do I hide out in God as my Refuge?

be pressured to answer for what God hasn't yet revealed to me.

or lastly...

be pressured to answer for what God has already revealed to me.