The number 33

I don’t know why it didn’t come to me sooner. I mean, good grief, it’s Christmas! I’m not sure why I didn’t think of it. Maybe it’s the fact that it doesn’t feel like Christmas….or maybe just that I don’t really want it to feel like Christmas because I’m so far from everything that I associate with Christmas. I don’t know…. But tonight, as I was rinsing the shampoo out of my hair…it came to me.

This year is different, to say the least. Next year will be too. In the past two weeks I feel like I have hit a wall. Cod smells stronger, Portuguese sounds more confusing, and socializing seems more overwhelming. Today I caught myself thinking two girls conversing in Portuguese were making fun of me. For no physical reason that I know of, I’ve started getting carsick anytime I get in a vehicle. But more than anything…I just keep imagining what it will be like to see snow again, to call up a friend and meet for coffee, to be able to sleep in my own bed, and to just smell “home” (the important things, I know... :)). Mentally, I know all this is absolutely ridiculous. I am in one of the most beautiful places I will probably ever live in, meeting some of the most amazing people, and I absolutely love and adore my school, class, and church. But that doesn’t negate the fact that I have been in a constant battle with my emotions ten minutes before school starts or the moment I enter my room. I can’t explain it… I just know I’m walking through it.

After spending an hour trying to decide what I was going to do over my Christmas break, I started looking at plane tickets home. I checked about 28 different ways that I could come home for a brief time in August just to see if any way could be cheaper than the others. I finally gave up and decided to go take a shower. That’s when everything just hit me. Call it transition stress or culture stress… I call it “the moment reality hits.” As I stood in the shower thinking about how even the same brand of shampoo smells different, I realized just how much separated me from home, from friends, and from the familiar. Not just an ocean, but time as well…two Christmases….two entire years …

And just when I started to tear up, it came to me.

Thirty-three.

That was how many separated Him.

Thirty-three years away from His Father, His home, His “familiar.”

He left a place with beauty I cannot even begin to fathom or imagine…to live and dwell on a dirty, smelly, filthy planet …one that He created in perfection, but one that we have perverted and polluted with sin. The first breath that entered his lungs was filled with the stench of sin-cursed humanity mixed with the putrid smells of animals. And it didn’t get any better. For thirty-three years He walked the earth knowing it was not his home. He knew what he left behind…and he knew what awaited him. How could he go through with it? Thirty-three years of being a social outcast, being misunderstood, ill-treated, mocked, rejected, and denied….knowing that at the end all that awaited him was arduous torture and a crucifixion. How, Lord?

That’s when I heard Him speak so patiently, tenderly, and lovingly to me.
“Because I knew it was the Father’s will.”

That was what I needed….my “reality check.” The reality that I have not been asked to do something that my Savior has not already done out of love for His Father. The reality that what I miss is incredibly insignificant compared to what He left behind. The reality that He made the ultimate “transition” or “adjustment”…all because the Father asked him to.

I know in a much smaller way, He’s asked this of me. I know this is His will for me. So when I dare think deep within my heart “How, Lord?” I know he’s already answered.
“Because you know it’s the Father’s will.”


NOTE: In no way do I want to negate how much I love being here in Portugal with this post. I am blessed beyond measure, well taken care of, and absolutely love Portugal. I'm just a girl... and therefore am a conflicting mess of emotions and desires. I know that when I return home, I’ll probably go through this exact same process of wishing I was here when I am finally there. Remind me of this post, please, when I get to that place. :)

So long, Facebook....

I decided it was time for me to break my long-standing relationship with Facebook. It's not Facebook. It's me. Too many hours wasted. Too much focus on the wrong things. Too much self-promotion. Too much of something that profits me nothing spiritually.
So I ended it indefinitely. Maybe one day we'll be able to be just friends...but for now, I need some space. I need to focus on the people God has placed in front of me. I need to make sure my time is spent investing in something that lasts for eternity.
So, in the words of Dan Wahlstrom, "If people want to see my face, they're not going to find it in a book. They're going to have to hunt me down to see the real thing. It won't be on Facebook."

Follow the leader....

I absolutely love these pictures... these kids caught my eye the moment we pulled up the to the convent. Perhaps it was their uniforms at first... but what held my attention was the struggle of one to lead and the others to follow...



You can see the pure excitement in her eyes...the joy of being in charge...


Only to be followed by sheer frustration...the others wouldn't listen, wouldn't stop asking questions, and just plain wouldn't follow...


This had to be my favorite moment. If only there wasn't an obstruction in the picture. I just loved these two little boys questioning every single step their "leader" was making...


Even better was this one... I found these two boys later. Apparently they decided they were done following... :)

I love it... :)

básquetbol vs. basketball

Tonight I went to a professional basketball game. I learned a few things. Let me share....

1) There are apparently no Portuguese words for "time-out."

2) A high school boys basketball game would get more fans to come than a professional team here....which, I might add, did make for some great seats. :)

3) If one person is injured, it is essential that everyone else be part of the decision making process for what should be done.... or at least huddled around the injured.

4) The crowd chooses to remain silent while the opposing team shoots from the free-throw line...and cheers violently when their own team is shooting from the free-throw line. Not really sure about that one...

5) Sometimes, you just need to warm-up. Five, ten, fifteen, maybe even twenty minutes before you enter the game... :)

6) Joyce used to be a cheer-leading coach...and still knows some great cheers. :)

7) Half-time would have been a great time to go use the restroom.

8) Saying that you don't speak Portuguese will not get you out of a half-time shooting contest...

9) I still can't shoot to save a life... or win a prize. :) If only there were contests for quickest person to foul, trip, or receive an intentional... I'd have that one in the bag.

Just give me one...

I'm praying that God shows me some way, each day to impact others for Christ. It might be small.. it might be seemingly insignificant...but that each day there would be a small way in which I can influence one person for Him.
There are just so many needs...so many things that I feel burdened for. It's overwhelming. So I'm just asking for one each day... that I could impact one person for Christ. So that maybe then that one person would in turn impact one more for Christ.
I know I'm probably exhausting...nauseatingly hopeful. But what choice do I have?
I'd hop on a plane in an instant if I knew God wanted me working in an orphanage in Africa. I'd jump at the chance to carry light into the dark places of Sudan, or Pakistan, or Iraq.
I want to be Amy Carmichael and Gladys Aylward...giving hope and a home to the "least of these." I want Jim Elliot's eyes to see the lost that everyone else is missing...and his willingness to lay down his life so that they might know TRUE and ABUNDANT life in Christ. I want George Mueller's resolve to live by faith and the joy of watching God answer in unexpected ways.
I want so desperately to live a life that isn't just about accumulating dollars in a bank account of vain pursuit. I want so much more...
I may never impact huge masses to follow my Savior. That's alright.
I just want one today...

Because that's my King...

Sometimes I need reminders....today, I just needed this reminder.