I never really thought things would end up this way.
All I did was say, "Ok, Lord."
But three years later my world is very different than what I ever thought it would look like. And I honestly couldn't be happier.
I knew going to Portugal was going to change me. But I never knew it would lead to being married and seven months pregnant. There are days when I look at my husband and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt he is a direct result of one act of obedience.
"Love, Erin. Just love."
I knew it was going to be a challenge. Packing my bags, getting ready to head off to a place where I had only visited two weeks to spend the next two years of my life, my mind would spin with thoughts of how I was going to make the most of it. How would I make friendships with people I wouldn't be able to understand? How would I really do it?
"Love, Erin. Just love."
It was always the answer. So mentally, I prepared myself to choose to love. Regardless of what I found when I truly dug in to the culture or really started rubbing shoulders with the people, I was going to love them. Even if they really didn't love me in return.
And something strange happened. My choice to love them, turned into a deep, heartfelt, genuine love. That, for most of the time, stopped feeling like work and a choice.
About a year into my time there, God started pushing me. I knew despite how much I loved it there, the Lord wasn't asking me to return. Something I truly didn't understand. Why wouldn't He want me to go back? I had invested time, learned as much as I could of the language, and I utterly loved it.
But He had other plans.
I remember very clearly the first time my now husband wrote me. I opened up the message at my desk in Portugal and read it. I sat in front of my computer for entirely too long thinking. I fully intended on blowing him off. I scanned things to find flaws. Searched and looked for reasons why I totally deserved better than him. Basically, I approached him the way I had approached all other single guys in my life: I searched for justifiable things that backed up my preconceived and selfish idea that I deserved something incredible.
And that's when the Lord spoke to me.
"Love, Erin. Just love."
And my heart started churning. What if I chose to love him and other people like him the way I had chosen to love in Portugal?
Yeah, but this was different, I would reason.
But I kept coming back to love.
What if I made the choice to love him?
And so I treated him the way I had treated my time in Portugal. I invested. I listened. I tried to understand his differences. I learned about what he did and what he was passionate about.
I chose love. With no guarantees that he was going to love me in return.
My husband and I laugh a lot. We laugh at how ridiculously different we truly are. He could live with piles of laundry on the floor and unmade beds and be perfectly happy. I stress out when there is a pair of paints on the floor. He doesn't get upset or angry easily. I am constantly apologizing for getting upset or mad. He is easy going. I want to get going. He'd be happy in the middle of the country with no one around for miles. I love the city.
And deep in my heart I know. I know that had the Lord not softened my heart and worked away at it in Portugal, I would have found a million reasons not to choose love.
And I would have missed out on so much.
Love, Erin. Just love...
My husband and I have often talked about the many times in our twenties when we were in the same place at the same time. We never met. I even had the opportunity to move to where he lives to teach. I didn't take it.
And we always look at each other and say, "It wouldn't have worked." I wasn't ready. God had to take me to Portugal to teach me to love. And I am so glad that He did.
