"In this time of trial, pain that no one sees...trust Me when I say--I will give you perfect peace."
I am realizing that life is to be spent for one purpose...making Christ known. My journey to make Him central in my life is at times personally difficult. So many different burdens and desires rage in my heart...they conflict with what I know I should desire. The agony of bringing these to the cross is at times excruciating. There are days when I can and do joyfully surrender the things I want for the life Christ wants for me....but then there are days...
There are days when I am reminded of things I could be giving up...days when I see a reality I wish was my own and wonder if I will always be wistful.
I have been reading through Romans...and I must say it is absolutely kicking my butt. I know it is a privilege to be enslaved to Christ. He has freed me from a sin-cursed, sin-filled life and given me the ability to live to honor Him...how can I ever question if this is truly "best" for my life?
I know...these are the days when Satan is trying desperately to inch his way back into my heart. He longs for me and desires that I look at my life and situation and become dissatisfied. For then...he wins. He knows if he can convince me that I am not experiencing the fullness of what God should give me, I'll sin.
So today, get behind me Satan. You have nothing I could ever desire. Let me just remind you what I have in Christ:
an inheritance...incorruptible and undefiled
freedom from death
the ability to BOLDLY and CONFIDENTLY approach the throne of Christ
an eternal and divine love that was proven 2,000 years ago on a cross
redemption
power to live a godly life
my name in the book of Life
the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling inside me
acceptance from a Holy God
There is nothing...NOTHING that I lack.
Thanks be to God.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
tell me one more time...
"Tell me You're here- that You will watch over me forever. Take hold of my heart, show me You love me forever."
I'm not sure why, but today is one of those days where I wish the Lord would audibly remind me of His love. I know it. I've lived in the light of it. Some days, I just want to hear it though...
I'm having all these battles in my heart. The battles all boil down to the life I thought I would have, and the life God has called me to. There are moments when I want to run--too afraid to fully trust my God--paranoid that I won't be able to withstand what He could be calling me to. Yet inwardly, I know that I cannot run. I know in my heart, that I will never be happy apart from my God. I know His love is better than life...and I know the joy I have in serving Him FAR outweighs any other pleasure.
I received my contract today. As I opened the contract, I saw on paper an offer of security. A piece of paper that somehow has the power to offer to me a secure and steady income, with benefits. As I looked at the contract, I had to laugh to myself. I am currently at 53% of my support level to be a missionary to Portugal. I have NO churches lined up and no promise of incoming support. For reasons I don't understand, I have not been able to get ahold of my mission agency for the past three weeks. I am frustrated...and in my hands I hold a means to provide for myself.
I know there is no earthly wisdom in what I am doing. Believe me, everything within me is constantly reminding me of that. In addition, I have a multitude of "advisors" telling me the same thing.
"It's a bad economy, Erin."
"You know, maybe you need to consider teaching another year. Missionaries just aren't able to raise support these days very fast."
"So what's your plan if this doesn't work out?"
Honestly, I don't have a plan. I'm following God's plan. And yes, it scares me to death NOT to be in control. I am 26, single, moving back in with my parents, and turning down a job offer when others can hardly find work. Yet, somehow, I know this is the test of faith that the Lord is asking me to walk through. I don't have any idea how God will do it. But I imagine that the Israelites weren't sure how they were going to cross the Red Sea by their seeming "deadline" as well. I imagine the great sense of fear and anxiousness that they felt as they watched their time to escape elapse and perhaps they too felt as if they had done a ridiculous thing in leaving Egypt. Yet-God parted the Sea...and somehow, He's going to part the way for me too.
Until then, I'll be clinging to His promises. He IS here. He WILL be here with me. HE LOVES ME.
Forever.
I'm not sure why, but today is one of those days where I wish the Lord would audibly remind me of His love. I know it. I've lived in the light of it. Some days, I just want to hear it though...
I'm having all these battles in my heart. The battles all boil down to the life I thought I would have, and the life God has called me to. There are moments when I want to run--too afraid to fully trust my God--paranoid that I won't be able to withstand what He could be calling me to. Yet inwardly, I know that I cannot run. I know in my heart, that I will never be happy apart from my God. I know His love is better than life...and I know the joy I have in serving Him FAR outweighs any other pleasure.
I received my contract today. As I opened the contract, I saw on paper an offer of security. A piece of paper that somehow has the power to offer to me a secure and steady income, with benefits. As I looked at the contract, I had to laugh to myself. I am currently at 53% of my support level to be a missionary to Portugal. I have NO churches lined up and no promise of incoming support. For reasons I don't understand, I have not been able to get ahold of my mission agency for the past three weeks. I am frustrated...and in my hands I hold a means to provide for myself.
I know there is no earthly wisdom in what I am doing. Believe me, everything within me is constantly reminding me of that. In addition, I have a multitude of "advisors" telling me the same thing.
"It's a bad economy, Erin."
"You know, maybe you need to consider teaching another year. Missionaries just aren't able to raise support these days very fast."
"So what's your plan if this doesn't work out?"
Honestly, I don't have a plan. I'm following God's plan. And yes, it scares me to death NOT to be in control. I am 26, single, moving back in with my parents, and turning down a job offer when others can hardly find work. Yet, somehow, I know this is the test of faith that the Lord is asking me to walk through. I don't have any idea how God will do it. But I imagine that the Israelites weren't sure how they were going to cross the Red Sea by their seeming "deadline" as well. I imagine the great sense of fear and anxiousness that they felt as they watched their time to escape elapse and perhaps they too felt as if they had done a ridiculous thing in leaving Egypt. Yet-God parted the Sea...and somehow, He's going to part the way for me too.
Until then, I'll be clinging to His promises. He IS here. He WILL be here with me. HE LOVES ME.
Forever.
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