Forever Young

School ended yesterday.

One year...finished.

How on earth has time passed this quickly? It feels like just a few weeks ago I was sitting in my room packing for the eightieth time wondering how I'd adjust and what life would be like...

As I sat through graduation on Friday, I realized that in a lot of ways it feels like I'm in high-school all over again...approaching my senior year. Knowing that in approximately one year I'm supposed to have the rest of my life figured out and mapped out... being asked a million times if I know what I am doing after this...all the time wondering how I'm supposed to figure that out... Am I seriously old enough to make life decisions? As I've talked with a few of the high-school girls and have listened to them verbalize their fears/frustrations/excitement about the future...I feel right there with them. I feel eighteen...with excitement, anticipation, fear, and uncertainty welling up inside of me.

I realize that I don't miss being eighteen. When I was 25 and teaching in the States, no one pressured me with questions like, "So what are you thinking for the future?" I fully recognize and understand that it is a legitimate question for someone in my position. But it's still presumptuous...I barely understand what God's doing in my heart...and you want me to try to put into words what I myself can't quite figure out? One of these times I'm just going to say, "I really don't plan on making it that far..." or "Next year? Shoot...I thought Christ was coming back on May 21st so I haven't really thought about next year..." or "Well...I'm thinking of becoming a rapper..."

A few days ago someone asked me, "So...if you could do anything after this...what would it be?" and I responded, "I..eh...uh...hmm...well...er...that's a great question. I don't even know what I want."

Which I guess in a lot of ways is good. I've got no plans. God's going to have to make them for me.
That's IF I live for another year.
And IF Christ doesn't come back.
And IF being a rapper doesn't work out.

Just kidding... on the rapper part. :)