Hungry

Today I am hungry. I've been reading two very convicting things: the book of Acts, and K.P. Yohannan's book The Road to Reality. As I read Acts, I see my GOD, in all his splendor: changing lives, saving souls, healing sickness, adding to the church, baptizing believers. It's beautiful! But it leaves me feeling hungry. Starving, in fact. When was the last time my church- the body of Christ- grew? When was the last time we willingly gave of our own wealth to others--and by gave, I mean giving up prime real-estate because someone else has a need? When was the last time I saw someone reading God's Word, and asked them if they understand it? Why do I read the account of Saul's conversion and still doubt that the Lord will ever change the heart of my brother? I'm hungry. THIS is the life to which I have been called. Amy Carmichael said it best, "It is no wonder that Apostalic miracles have died... apostalic living certainly has." I am desperate for this. I don't want mediocre, American Christianity. I want Christ. I want the cross. I want to suffer for HIS name's sake. I don't want to suffer for suffering alone. I want to experience suffering because I am living for Christ! I want others to see what Christ is doing in my life and either be repulsed, convicted, or compelled. I want Him...

Yet as I journey on my own "road to reality," I keep questioning...what does this look like? I find that I know very little of what it means to die to self on a Saturday.

What are we missing? Why are we all ok with this? Churches full of selfishness, hypocrisy, envy, strife, bitterness...Christians whose lives are NO DIFFERENT from an unbelievers, with the one exception-- that they spend four hours in a church building a week... Christians who occupy a neighborhood, yet have done NOTHING to penetrate it with the Gospel of Christ.

I don't understand. Maybe I am too harsh...but I can't help as I read the book of Acts to question my life...to feel so frustrated with this. This comfort-centered, mediocre American Christianity. Why is it that my friends and I can spend hours shopping for ourselves? What a waste...what a waste.

This is nothing more than the ramblings of my thoughts tonight.
I guess I'm just hungry for more...that's all.