Lesson Learned

Fifth graders have a way of teaching others about life. I have often overheard many a funny conversation in which they try to explain to one another why things work they way they do, or perhaps even how relationships should function. And I often find myself laughing inwardly at their take and outlook on life.

But today, I was taught a lesson from my fifth graders that I was not prepared to learn. It happened without their knowledge. They didn't prepare for long hours. They didn't purpose to teach me. In fact, they didn't even intend for me to hear. Yet their words spoke to the depth of my soul.

It all happened in the midst of an intense spelling review game. It was boys against girls, and all the honor was riding on the win. The girls were up five to zero after some stunning spellers, and the next two players were at the board. The words were given, and the race began. They finished with almost a near tie, yet only one word was spelled correctly. Girls, six - guys, zero. And that's when I heard it. The murmurings of two disgruntled boys.

"Oh, sure, that's because they're girls. She likes them more. That's why they're winning."

In my nearly three long years of teaching, I do not think I have ever been hurt by words. Upset, yes. Frustrated, definitely. But actually hurt, never.

But for some reason, those words cut to the core of my heart and I actually stood before them stunned in disbelief that they would actually make those accusations. I spoke directly to them to let them know they'd crossed a line, and let them know we'd be discussing this later.

After the day had ended and I was packing my bag to go home, I couldn't get those words to stop ringing in my head. How hurtful. How awful. When I daily give of my time to them equally? How could they ever think I didn't love them equally?

All the way home those words plagued me.

As the evening waned, I checked my daily alerts from Facebook. And there, in the midst of all the messages was a note about a girl I had counseled at camp. She was now getting married. Further on, I saw something about another friend who was now having her baby and getting ready with all the plans. I saw pictures from another friend who just recently purchased and redecorated a beautiful home. Then I received a phone call from a friend informing me about another mutual friend's bridal shower...and on, and on the list goes. The never-ending list that reminds me of all the things I long for most, but do not have.

And that's when I heard my heart say it. "Lord, why do You bless everyone else? Why do you give them good? You must love them more, or something. You certainly have shown them Your favor."

After I uttered the words from the depth of my heart, I instantly felt the remorse of Peter as the rooster crowed the third and final time. The realization that I had just broken my Father's heart with my accusation. That in my hasty summary of the situation, I had accused my loving Father of "playing favorites." As dumbfounded as I had been at the stinging hurt I felt from my student's words, I now understood in the most miniscule way, the hurt I had just inflicted upon His heart. How it must break! Almighty, Loving God, to be accused of such a false statement, when He has done nothing but show me love, provide a substitute for my sins, and patiently help me everyday.

And as I bowed my head in shame and asked forgiveness for the awful words I dared to think, I humbly thanked God for the lesson that two fifth grade boys had given me.