A hodge podge...

It's nearly nine-thirty at night here. As I begin getting ready for bed, I am reminded, this is not Iowa.
I can hear the clanging of forks and knives against porcelain, children laughing and screaming, the oddly familiar sound of a child being forced to practice the piano, and the loud reminder that a soccer game is on. Trumpets blare (yes, you read correctly....trumpets...as in more than one blaring) and the neighborhood comes alive as a team scores.
I love seeing differences. Things that seem so odd to me are just a normal part of life here.
Today I had language class for the first time in two weeks. I just love language. My teacher constantly asks me if I am a "faladora" (talker). I don't really think I am...maybe I just have a poor understanding of myself...I don't know. I just know...it does kill me that I can't just carry on a conversation in Portuguese yet. I did, by the way, explain my theory regarding language and verbs (every verb only having one conjugation). She liked it. :)
One thing I found interesting today: Amar. Love. We (Americans) use love for everything. I love cheese. I love purses. I love shoes. I love the dog. I love music. It's really intriguing to me that the Portuguese only use "amar" for people, not things. Other verbs are used for cats, dogs, french fries...you name it. I feel like I do throw that word around so much...and somehow, really have lost the meaning of the word. Maybe "love" really should be reserved for the handful of people I'd die for. Just a thought from language that's been swirling around in my head. That... and the words "duvidas" and "herdeiro" and "sem eira nem beira"....
I don't know why "doubts", "heirs" and a phrase I don't really understand the meaning of are continually in my head...
But...at least there's some Portuguese stuck in there... :)

My Favorite Weekend. Ever.

I loved this weekend. It was as if God handcrafted everything I loved and needed into this weekend.
Here are the highlights:

* Walking around with four Mk's... talking, laughing, and connecting.

* Attending our church's Easter program practice... "Jesus" with a crown of tinsel and a broom for a cross...being beaten by two "guards" that were young girls who apparently never had brothers... or hit their brothers if they had them...
It was fun... and culturally educational. :)

* Singing with an good guitarist. Wow... it was just fun to learn a new Portuguese song and listen to him just make up the background as I sang. Very, very fun.

* Getting asked to hang out after practice with a Portuguese couple from the church. (I almost couldn't answer I was so stunned they asked me!) They drove me to a beach where we sat by the ocean wrapped up in blankets sipping coffee. They told me their testimonies (which was so cool, by the way) then we spent the rest of the night doing this:
"So...I don't understand _____________________ about Americans? Why do you guys __________________________?"

"Really, because I can't understand ___________________ about the Portuguese?"

It was SOOO fun. And I came home nearly in tears because it was the first time any Portuguese person has initiated hanging out. It was huge for me. I came home and called my friend in the States and said, "THEY invited ME!!! And I even got to ride in their car!!! And... and we talked...I had SO MUCH FUN!!!! I hope they had fun. If I had fun, they had fun, right? I hope they liked it as much as I liked it. Do you think they liked it?" I felt like a kindergartner on the first day of school getting asked to sit by someone at lunch.
Wow... what has happened to me?

* Fellow-shipping. A church fellowship. And guess what...my "friend" asked to sit by me at lunch. :) I actually felt like I fit.

* Holding David...the cutest, chunkiest little Portuguese baby I've seen.

* Going to Starbucks to get a Frappuccino.

* Not having to pay for the Frappuccino. I love our friend at Starbucks. He needs to get saved. They all need to get saved. Can I start a church at Starbucks? :)

* Eating Swedish meatballs and mashed potatoes. It's like Christmas for me. Except my grandma wasn't there to rave about how great of a job she did making the Swedish meatballs... :)

Great weekend. My favorite so far. :)

NOTE: I never realized how complicated America's government really is. Try explaining the roles of the House, Senate, President, electoral terms, and balance of power...whew... complicated stuff.

Where am I?

Do you ever have those moments? Moments when the world makes absolutely no sense around you...and you wonder...what on earth am I doing here?
I've had a few of those today...
Like...finding the source of something that had been bothering my senses for the past four months...and if I could write more here...I would. Needless to say...I hope the source has been eliminated...time will tell. If not, I may hire professionals.

Or this afternoon when I was standing in line AGAIN at the gas station, hearing screaming, the word for "police" and then a refusal of the woman behind the counter to take any other customer's money. Once again I stood waiting wondering what on earth I should do. But the people behind me didn't leave...so I opted to just stand. All in all, there were about fifteen of us in line, so I figured it couldn't be that serious. I still have no clue what happened...but I did recognize the words, "We have a serious problem" when stated in Portuguese. I really don't think I should go to gas stations anymore. Is it me? Things were going so well there until this last month...

On another note...I'm eight pages into my history book. It's rough. I've filled four pages in my notebook with new words. Now, if only I could remember those words. It IS interesting though to read another country's history and hear their slant on their own history. It makes me realize how much my understanding of history is so biased because I am American. But my favorite new phrase comes from when Felipe of Spain realized the people of Portugal were wanting to throw him off the throne. "Se nao vai a bem, vai a mal..." which I could only guess means... "this isn't going well, it's going badly..." Really, you think? That's what happens when you invade another country...

Pink Maids and Children's Books

I'm really trying to learn Portuguese. I try as best I can to ask questions or converse with people to the best of my ability. Some days are good. Some days... aren't. Sometimes the words just flow out. Other days...it's like the little bit I know gets stuck in my mouth, twisted around, only to come flowing out warped and unintelligible.

Yesterday morning, I went to the Gale and saw "Tall Man at the Gale." I conversed a little with him and somehow we began talking about where I worked. I tried to explain where it was. I managed, "Ramada, em cima de...." and then I remembered I didn't know the word for "hill" so I couldn't say "on top of the hill..." I decided I'd try "the pink building up there" and point in the direction of the hill. I managed "cor-de-rosa empregada..." Tall Man looked at me, smirked, and then with a confused face explained that he didn't understand. I knew something was wrong with my word for building... but I couldn't remember anything else. The conversation ended with, "Nao faz mal..." basically, "Don't worry about it.."

As I walked away with Laura, I realized what I said. "Did I just tell him I worked at a pink maid?"
"Yup."
Argh. Let me just tell you, my sympathies for any foreigner on American soil will be INFINITELY greater than they ever were. It's just hard to learn a new language. Things just fly out of my mouth that I don't understand... till five minutes later.

So, in effort to help me learn more, I've decided I'm going to try to read through a Portuguese children's history book. Today it took me one hour to work through two pages. (It was at this point that I realized the TREMENDOUS challenge ESL students face.) Wow. I filled an entire page in my notebook with new words. After I spent the time researching all the words and working through each sentence to see if I could comprehend it, I went back and tried to read the whole page fluently ( I use that word loosely). It was AMAZING to me that even though I had researched each and every sentence and understood it after I'd researched it... It was still almost impossible to understand what I was reading as I read it. It really helped me understand my students or future students who struggle with language.

Even if it was difficult and exhausting... I did find it really interesting. I learned about "sebastianismo." Basically Portugal had a King (Sebastiao), and he disappeared in battle and was never found. The people refused to crown a new king because they had this hope that he would come riding in mist and haze to save them. I haven't yet read when they gave up the hope... that's the next lesson. :)

So far... I feel like I'm learning. Although, if I read about a king building a pink maid... I may question my methods.

God's timing is amazing to me.
This morning in our elementary chapel, it was as if the speaker had read my journal entry written the night before. I sat listening to him walking through exactly what I needed to hear, and I sat stunned.
While he discussed what to do when we're faced with impossible circumstances...I retraced the steps God led me on a year ago. As he explained from the Bible what to do, I realized, that was exactly what I had done when I knew God was wanting me in Portugal for the first time.
1)Pray--when you don't know what to do...we turn our eyes to You.
2)Powerless--admit your own inability to accomplish or do anything
3)Praise--thank the Lord for how he will answer, and recall who He is
4)Proclamation--when the Lord answers, point everyone to Him

I remember very vividly my journey through each one of these steps as God lead me to come here. I remember telling the Lord that I knew He wanted me here, but I had no idea how He was going to get me here, and that I absolutely could not wait to see Him answer. I remember writing in my journal, "Lord, thank you. Thank you for the way you are going to provide. I know it's going to amaze me. Just let it be some way that would show everybody how amazing You are." And He did.

As I sat behind my students listening to our speaker, my eyes filled with tears. God reminded me, that if He leads me to full-time missions, He's the same God. And just because the process is harder and the numbers get bigger...He's not intimidated. And He's not sitting up in heaven crunching the numbers and worrying about how He's going to provide for me. He doesn't have to create a new line in his budget for me...or wait for another missionary to "retire" before he can add me in...God could blow me away again. If it's what He wants...

It was just the reminder I needed.
I'm glad I serve a big God. And I'm thankful I serve a big, PATIENT God.

The log in mine own eye...

I am the biggest hypocrite.
I have seen, watched, and stood in awe as the Lord provided for me time after time. From my first missions trip (when I thought raising $1,300 was virtually impossible) to two summers ago when I learned 75% of total cost ($2000) was in my account before I even knew I could go on the trip. Then came the big one: two years worth of funds to live in a foreign country. And yet, God brought it in. All of it... and in the most meaningful and unexpected ways.
So here I sit, in my bedroom in Portugal (provided by the hand of God), and I'm questioning. What if?
What if God leads?
What if I sense the burden?
What if He leads me again...forever?
And as I sit here, I'm terrified. I should know. I should understand. I should comprehend the magnitude of my God. I should have faith...
But deep in my heart, I'm so afraid of the process that is missions. At this point I have no idea if this is what He has. But I know regardless of what conclusion I come to, it can't be dictated by fear.
I hate that I struggle with this. I hate that I can't seem to learn.
I feel like an Israelite that doesn't trust God to bring manna tomorrow...even though I've tasted and lived abundantly from His daily supply for months. I know it's ridiculous... and I'm trying to get the Sycamore out of my eye.

A few of my favorites...

Love, love, love these kids... and Krisanna. :) And I think she just may need to do an extension with her student teaching...either that...or I'm not letting her go back.


"Can we do a crazy one?" :)


And just for fun...


Flat, Krisanna, and I posing pretty early in the morning. You can see it the tiredness in Flat's eyes... :) Ok, maybe just in mine.