Lay It Down

Lay It Down
by Matt Maher
Everything I am
Everything I long to be--
I lay it down at Your feet.
Everything I am
Everything I long to be--
I lay it down at Your feet.
O Pearl of greatest price,
No act of sacrifice,
Can match the gift of life
I find within Your gaze!
O--What a sweet exchange,
I die to rise again,
Lifted up from the grave,
Into Your hands of grace.

A friend of mine introduced me to this song...and it's been completely gripping my heart. There are so many things I am that I would rather change. There are so many things that I would far rather be but am not. And I sense even more tonight the Lord asking for me to lay those things at His feet. I don't know how the next two years of my life fit into God's ultimate plan for me. I do know that nothing He's asked of me yet...or will ever ask of me could ever match His sacrifice for me. As hard as it is to lay my plans for my future down at His feet, and as much as I struggle to leave them at His feet...I remember: He is good. His plans for me are good. And He LOVES me.

Psalm 138:8
"The Lord will fulfill HIS PURPOSE for me; Your love, O Lord, endures forever-do not abandon the works of Your hands."

So you know you live in Portugal when...

You hang your laundry from the window of your kitchen five floors up from the street.

Which...isn't really a problem...until I drop something. I have a feeling I might become acquainted with the person who lives in 1C.

The past few days I've been able to spend some time with different missionary families. They have been so gracious in opening up their homes to us.
Today I was able to spend some time reading God's Word at a little cafe close to our house. I had to laugh because I felt so successful with simply being able to order and pay completely by myself without anyone else with me. It's the little things, I guess, when you move to a country where you don't speak the language.
However, success eluded me later in the day. Laura and I followed another vehicle to a part of Portugal that we were unfamiliar with this evening. Evidently, the road we were taking has new tolls. We took our ticket and continued following till it was time to exit the road and pay our toll. We followed the "context clues" (I am becoming an expert on trying to look, read, and interpret context clues these days...)on the toll and followed the pictures by putting our ticket in the slot. Apparently our ticket was invalid (or something...we never did really figure it out). We, however, could not understand what the automated machine kept telling us to do when it rejected our ticket. Poor Laura...she was leaning as far out of the vehicle as possible turning the ticket every direction she could simply trying to get the machine to accept it so it would stop yelling at us. All the sudden we hear a live woman's voice telling us what to do. Again, neither one of us had a clue. Laura finally said, "English?" and the unidentified voice shouted, "Nao!" (no) and continued to speak Portuguese louder to us.
At this point, the vehicle we were following had pulled over to the side, so I got out of our vehicle and ran through the toll to find someone in the other car who speaks Portuguese.
All in all, by the time we got back to Laura, a man had already come to our aid and inserted the ticket in a different slot for us. We felt pretty ridiculous.
The day ended well, though. Laura's bags ALL arrived today. :)

Settling in...

I had every intention of writing yesterday...but I was too tired. :)
So, I'm going to try my best to recap what was probably one of the craziest days of my life.
If you want the short summary...My flight schedule was totally messed up, I almost never found my flight TO Portugal, and after arriving...I almost died...eight times.
For more details, let me start at the beginning.
Before my flight I went out to eat with my parents. Being the incredibly punctual people they are, they decided to get me to the airport at 12:00 p.m. (for the record, my flight wasn't leaving until 2:47 p.m. AND it was from Des Moines International Airport...not exactly a buzzing or busy place. However, the Lord used their desire to be there with plenty of time.
As I unloaded my four bags and went to check them at the counter, the man informed me that due to delays I wouldn't be able to connect in Boston. He very graciously spent the next forty minutes trying to figure out how to best help me. Due to the way my ticket was purchased, he could not give me a boarding pass for my Boston to Lisbon flight. He explained what to do when I arrived in Boston and what papers they would need to see there. Because of the delay, he bumped me to a departure from Des Moines at 12:55 instead of 2:47 p.m. I quickly prayed with Pastor, Ronette, and my mom and dad, said good-bye, and hustled to my gate. I made it without any problems to Chicago, and then from Chicago to Boston. When I arrived in Boston, I hustled to the screen to find my gate...lo, and behold...there was no flight to Portugal listed. I kept going to different screens hoping I would find it. Finally, I decided that asking someone might be quicker. I walked up to a counter and asked them to tell me what gate TAP Portugal flew from. The agent replied, "Hmmm, well I know it's no where here...I think it's terminal E." So I headed to Terminal E.
Oh, terminal E... as I began walking and following the signs, I started to think that this was probably not going to be the easiest thing to find. The signs led me to the baggage claim area...and ended.
I stood in baggage claim for a while and finally asked someone in a uniform where the mysterious terminal E was. He said I was heading in the right direction and to continue walking past baggage claim to the right. Well, to the right I went.
As I began walking, I realized I was now completely alone in a very dark hallway with no signs except signs on doors that said, "Restricted Access: Only authorized personnel." There were no signs pointing to Terminal E. I felt as if I was definitely someplace I should NOT be. Thankfully God provided two incredibly kind men. I saw them quite a distance from me so I ran to where they were to ask them.
I said, "Excuse me, but am I heading to terminal E?"
"Yup, just keep following us. By the way, what flight are you looking for?"
I responded, "Tap Portugal."
"We haven't flown that in years here in Boston...you sure?"
I frantically pulled out my ticket and showed him
"Hmm...I wonder if it is actually a different company," he said.
I am praising the Lord for these two men. They led me through more of the dark hallway, outside the building across the little street into a brand new building, up a stairwell, and around the corner. There is no way I ever would have found terminal E.
After locating Laura, terminal E, then finally boarding...I decided I would never fly through Boston again. :)
Thankfully, once our flights landed, all my lugguage arrived. Unfortunately, only one of Laura's bags arrived. Pray that they are able to find the rest!
After we arrived we were greeted by Cal and Joyce. Joyce, Laura, and I took a taxi back to our apartment because Cal had to leave to meet someone. Little did we know that this taxi ride could have potentially been our first and last moment in Portugal.
From the moment we got in the taxi, we knew we were in for it. The driver completely gunned out of the parking spot and started honking and raising his hand at the other drivers. He careened into a roundabout cutting off a few drivers already in the roundabout and then proceeded to gun the accelerator even though there was a vehicle coming to a stop in front of us. He proceeded to try to manipulate his way through two cars that only had about two feet between them. I have never been so sure I was going to die so many times!! Really...I'm not exaggerating.
My favorite part of the ride, however, was watching Joyce. :) She would speak to him in Portuguese, apologize to us in English, and sign to him to slow down. I loved it. Due to an accident, he took us to districts Joyce had never seen...it was quite an adventure...one I pray I never have to repeat. I counted at least eight times he came within centimeters of hitting someone. Joyce said she'd never been in a ride quite like this. The whole time all I could think was, "Now THIS is a Bourne ride." :)
Today we conquered the grocery store...and........I DROVE!!! :)
Ok, not very far...but I did it none the less. You'd be happy to know I went the right way in all the round-a-bouts. My only problem, however, was parking. Our apartment is difficult for me to park in. I'll get it though. :)

Overwhelmed

So it is officially six days until I board the plane to Portugal. I spent the morning packing and wondering how on earth I was going to fit everything into my bags. After a few hours of that, I decided to get away and do one of my favorite things for one of the last times: sit at my coffee shop and read God's Word and a missionary biography.
Before I sat down to read I shot an email to one of my roommates and before I closed my computer I decided to reminisce through some pictures of Portugal. And then...it hit me. Right in the middle of the coffee shop.
God's goodness...my desperate cries for direction for the past few years...strong desires...human obstacles...sitting on the beach in Portugal begging God to let me be there in a year...and everything He has done in the past year to answer that prayer.
I've never been so overwhelmed with God's leading in my life before. I can hardly comprehend why He'd allow this...of all the things I've prayed and asked Him for...but I am so grateful. Some days I've been afraid of leaving...worried about fitting in...thinking about the transition...leaving good friends behind...

But not today. Today...I can't fathom how God could be so GOOD to me. I have spent the past year watching him fulfill a desire He put in my heart when I was in high school. It has definitely not always been an easy road...and He had to do a lot of chipping away and refining of my heart to get me here...but I can't imagine doing any thing other than what I am doing right now.

And as I sit here crying into my keyboard and trying to avoid the odd looks I'm getting from the strangers around me...I recognize that this is what is to follow Jesus. The things I said I'd never do...I'll do them if He asks me to. The things I thought I always wanted for my life...I'll give them up if He asks me to. The people I think I need...I'll gladly leave them behind if He leads me on. Because when I follow Jesus...He not only satisfies my every longing...He OVERWHELMS my heart with his goodness.

So I'm going to savor these tears...and pray that somehow they bring honor to the King...that these tears would reflect a heart that is absolutely overwhelmed with love for Him.

It's 3 a.m. and I can't stop thinking...

Sleep is not coming very easily lately. Normally in the summer I do take full advantage of being a teacher and enjoy staying up later...but this is different. My mind is processing so many things...I find I lay in bed and wonder, "Where did I put that pair of pajama pants? Did I already put it in the space bag? Or is it somewhere else? Should I reopen the space bags again? Or just risk not having them?"
I've spent the past week packing. That's right. A week. I had no idea how difficult it would be! I have already packed and re-packed my bags four times...and I know it won't be the last.
I'm learning a lot about myself in this process.
1) I get overwhelmed in the midst of disorganization. Obviously I had to tear apart my closet and dressers to start packing...but about ten minutes into the process, all I could do was sit in the midst of my bedroom with my clothes all over the floor and my suitcase in front of me and stare. I finally realized I just have to deal with the mess until I leave. It isn't going to get any better until I'm heading out the door.
2) I have WAY too much stuff. 'Nough said.
3) I am an extreme person. Not like extreme sports..definitely not like that. More like...all or nothing. I either want to take everything...or a backpack. I was bordering on EVERYTHING thinking it'd be worth it to just know I have what I need...then I stumbled upon http://www.onebag.com/ ....and I seriously considered it... I need more balance. ;)
4) I really just want to pack people to take with me. Everytime I drive out to go get coffee with my friends...I realize how much it really hasn't hit me yet that I won't be able to just "get coffee" with them in 2 weeks. I know that I'll be fine...and yes, I will miss them...but I'll survive. I just have amazing friends...they've been there through disappointments, cried with me, laughed with me, but most of all...they know me. And I'm going to miss them more than I probably know.
All in all...I think it's those things, packing and leaving, that keep me awake at almost 3 a.m.
That...or maybe my Caramel Macchiato wasn't decaf after all.... :)

AMP Day 5...Finished. :)

I am so excited for what God is doing. It's been such a tremendous experience to get to see what God is doing...GLOBALLY.
I am so thankful for ABWE. The sessions they put on for us were so informative and helpful. Today we focused on "Transition Stress." I found it interesting that they said they most commonly see it hit in the second month. Guess I'm gonna need to watch out in October. :)
One of the things they really stressed to us was "being" not "doing." I can definitely see where I tend to "do" for God....and forget to simply "be" with Him. I am really going to try to carve out time before I leave to continue to memorize and just spend lengthy quality time in the Word. I am going to cultivate a plan for my Spiritual life. I want to have target dates for memorization, as well as certain days that, regardless of what is going on, I get away by myself to spend some time with God. I know myself...and I know that I need that often. One thing I really struggled with when I had roommates was concentrating when I was trying to pray and read. I would hear noises and wonder what was going on...or just be distracted in my heart. For me...I need to be away.
I know that might be hard to do...but I am going to have to purpose to get it done.
Nothing is more important than maintaining that relationship.

AMP Day 4

“I am not single because I am too spiritually unstable to possibly deserve a husband, not because I am too spiritually mature to possibly need one. I am single because God is so abundantly good to me, because this is his best for me. It is a cosmic impossibility that anything could be better for me right now than being single. The psalmists confirm that I should not want, I shall not want, because no good thing will God withhold from me.” Paige Benton

I love this quote. Today was a day literally FULL of meetings. We were given information on health, financial matters, personality profiles...you name it. The last session we had today was on moral purity. It was a phenomenal session. I think I was a little skeptical because I felt like it wouldn't be anything that I hadn't already heard a million times before. Pastor Berrus did a tremendous job. I literally was scrambling to keep up with my notes because everything he said I wanted to write down. He started off the session by stating, "Do you realize that you have the potential to do more damage to the cause of Christ than an unbeliever?" He did such a great job of putting practical application to his message as well. One thing he challenged us to do was to sit down and make a list of all the things that could possibly happen if we failed morally. One thing he and a friend did was to sit down a together to discuss and create a list of the things that would happen as a direct result of moral failure in their lives. They keep their list with them always. When they are tempted to even entertain these thoughts, they pull out their list.
He distributed a booklet for us to read through...and while I haven't had a chance to read it in its entirety, I stumbled upon the above quote. I think it is my new favorite. :) God has and continues to teach me so much about his grace in my life. I wholeheartedly agree...my current life is not God's plan B. Right now--THIS--is God's best for me. And even though it wasn't my plan A...it was God's perfect plan. And I love that.
A group of six of us single AMPers were talking about the much older veteran single missionaries that stayed down the hall from us...we talked about how funny it was to be getting ready next to a seventy-five year old woman in a college dorm...and watching them walk around in their housecoats. But then our conversation turned serious as we marveled at how they had all remained faithful to God and to their ministries. Our conversation reached a standstill when one girl said, "Wouldn't it be cool if that was us one day?" Tears welled up in my eyes, and just as I was about to wholeheartedly agree a girl quickly said, "Oh gosh...I certainly hope that's not me in forty years!"
It broke my heart. These women have literally left all....have served in the jungles of Peru and Africa...and STILL serve God faithfully to this day. To me, they are my heroes. If singleness is God's will for my life (and it obviously is right now)...I want nothing more than to follow in their footsteps.
My God has not withheld anything from me. And God forbid that I should ever entertain a thought otherwise.