Tears.

"What is it? What is it?" he said. "I do not wish to leave the jungle, and I do not know what this is. Am I dying, Bagheera?"

"No, Little Brother. That is only tears such as men use," said Bagheera. "Now I know thou art a man, and a man's cub no longer. The jungle is shut indeed to thee henceforward. Let them fall, Mowgli. They are only tears."

So Mowgli sat and cried as though his heart would break; and he had never cried in all his life before.

"Now," he said, "I will go to men. But first, I must say farewell...
You will not forget me?"

"Never..."


I read this selection to my students today. I fought viciously to not cry in front of them. Now, as I am typing it... the tears are flowing freely. Because I understand what it feels like to realize that doors may be shutting...no matter how hard I wish and hope that they won't. I understand what it feels like to feel as if I fit better in a place that isn't made for me than I do in the place that was. I understand that I have goodbyes that will come...and when the time comes...I don't really know if I will be able to make them. I understand what it feels like to not understand myself...and like Mowgli...I've been asking God over and over, "What is it? What is this that is going on inside of me?"

So today...I am just letting the tears fall.
Because I don't have an answer as to why I feel like the doors are shutting.
Because I don't get why God brought me here to lead me away.
Because I don't understand what on earth He is doing.
Because I don't know what to do next...
So the tears fall...
And I am letting them.
After all... they are only tears.