Reflections...

Today I taught in Portuguese for the second time.

It's about twenty minutes before I had to teach that I was overwhelmed with the thought, "How on earth did I wind up here? In Portugal... about to teach in a language that I am nowhere near mastering?"

For the most part, I am very comfortable with life here. What was once overwhelming and a mystery is now normal. But there are still those moments... moments when I am struck with how vastly different my life is right now. When I talk with friends back home and hear how they spend their time... or what they are up to, I feel a twinge of wistfulness, knowing that used to be my life too. But God pulled me away.

He took me away from an independent life filled with incredible friendships. He made me dependent. He broke me. He taught me how to make new friends in a new culture when I barely knew the language. He pushed me at times harder than I thought bearable, but showed me He is all the time faithful. He's taught me the meaning of flexibility in a way I never though possible.

On New Year's day I did something I don't normally do, but fully intend to make a habit. I took my journal and my Bible and went to a cafe. I spent the afternoon pouring through the last year of my life. I read with surprise and a smile of remembrance the highs that I had experienced in 2011. My eyes welled with tears as I recalled the pain in the lows I'd journeyed through. As I poured through my prayers from 2011 I was amazed: how quickly I had forgotten what God brought me through.

Right now I love my life here in Portugal. And because I am so fulfilled and happy, it was easy for me to forget that there were moments when I begged the Lord to show me just one reason why He led me here. There were many days where I told the Lord, "I cannot do this. I will never fit here. You picked the wrong person." I forgot the tears I cried because I was overwhelmed with the loss of my friends. I no longer remembered how frustrating it was to feel like I would never be able to say anything more than, "Hi, how are you?" in Portuguese. I saw prayer after prayer begging the Lord to help me be able to communicate because I was desperate for friendships. In the past year, God led me through months and months of discomfort and frustration. And at the end of that long journey, He brought me here... to a time in my life that I absolutely love. And as I sat down to write out a prayer, my thoughts kept coming back to such a simple truth:

"Though sorrow may last for a night, joy comes in the morning."

Every difficult time God has brought me through has been temporary. The light affliction I experience is "but for a moment" and is always accomplishing a far more important purpose.

I stared at my journal... 2012.

As I saw the year written on the page, I realized once again that in five months God is going to take me back home. I am going to once again be uncomfortable. My heart is once again going to feel like it is breaking. My heart is going to long to hear Portuguese. I am going to be IMMENSELY grieved to walk away from my church and friends here. And even as I even begin to write this, I can't imagine how I'm going to ever feel fulfilled and happy there...

"But joy will come in the morning..."


There will be tears. Many, I'm afraid.
But joy will come.
He will restore. He will show me once again that the plan He has will bring more joy than I ever thought imaginable. And He will overwhelm me once again with how well He knows my heart, and what I need to look more like Him.

And through the entire journey, He'll always be faithful.