My Jericho

Walls. Big. Insurmountable. Tall. Overwhelming. Unexpected.
My journey throughout this year has been full of them. And every time I've come to one, I've been able to push through and past what has felt like a massive wall of frustration. But I'm beginning to wonder if this one has an end.

Up to this point, I feel like I have genuinely loved learning Portuguese. I've loved trying. I've loved being surrounded by it. But for the past four weeks...I just don't want anything to do with it. I don't know if it's because I so desperately want to be able to be unhindered in my communication, and I know how far I am from that...or if this is just a normal part of language acquisition....or if this is just another phase of transition stress.

I don't know...but I know that I hate being here...surrounded by what feels like suffocating walls. I hate that I don't want to even try. I hate that I feel repulsed by what I used to love. I hate feeling that expectations, my own and others, are crushing me. I hate that people want to talk with me...and I'm stuck behind this wall of confusion. I hate that it's June, and I am dealing with this. I feel like I should be so, so far beyond feeling like this...the emotions and the struggle with Portuguese.

I recognize that this is a "downer" of a post. But this isn't really for you. This is for me...because I am desperately praying that God pulls a Jericho. And one day, when I'm on the other side of this wall...I want to remember where I was and what He brought me through.